my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
