And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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