just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
