Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later

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(703): View more from Virginia

you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

he had to chose between the booze and condoms

(774): View more from Massachusetts

what did he choose?

(857): View more from Massachusetts

the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly

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(806): View more from Texas

Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.

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(541): View more from Oregon

i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.

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(941): View more from Florida

Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home

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