Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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