you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize