what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
