Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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