The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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