I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My life is pants optional.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
