i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Randomize
