Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
