I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
