Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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