this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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