Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
