the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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