i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize