Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
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