She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
