The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
