Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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