How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
