I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
