Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
