I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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