Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
