my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
