He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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