I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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