nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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