I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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