i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
