Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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