just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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