I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
