i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
