I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
