what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
