You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
