Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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