I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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