he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
