what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
