I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
