the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize