I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
