STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
