Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
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