omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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