Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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