I got chris browned last night
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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