Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
