I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
