My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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