'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
