i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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