I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
