I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
