VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
