Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
