Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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