Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
