So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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