6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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