i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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