boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just want to make out with him forever
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
