What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
