Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
