i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
