Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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