someone get that fucking seahorse.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
