Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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