worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
