I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize