sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
