it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
